I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
