Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
