he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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