I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
