and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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