Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
