I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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