Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
