It's like God shit irony all over that family
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
