Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
