The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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