She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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