I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
