Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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