Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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