Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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