I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
