you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
