Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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