When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
