I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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