i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
