bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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