I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
