DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm really busy with my period
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