I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
