I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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