I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
