never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
