census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
