Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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