Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
