Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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