That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
