yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
