there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Randomize
