Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I love you. Go after that dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
