Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
