3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
