my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
