Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
