I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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