I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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