Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
