I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
