i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
