Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
