i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
