I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
