He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just gargled with NyQuil
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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