I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
