I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
