Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
