Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
