Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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