I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Two words: nipple clamps
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