but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
