Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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