my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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