Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
