I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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