I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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