I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
