I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
